Because people keep asking so much and because I'm sick and tired of answering the questions and also because it doesn't matter anymore and I'm not going to defend someone who never once defended me unless I asked.
The reasoning's behind nick breaking up with me is as follows (from what I can remember):
1.) I love you, but I don't love you as much as I used to (I don't know how much I love you anymore).
2.) You're too messy (dirty clothes on floor in bedroom, dishes in sink for days)
3.) I find myself getting annoyed by you more. I can't say what things annoyed me, but they are there.
4.) We fight too much.
5.) We have too many falling outs.
6.) I'm tired of being the only one cooking.
If all you got out of that was, "I don't feel that relationships should be work," then we're all in the same boat. Now, I realize everything can be defined differently through different people but nick has never been someone who was very communicative. He was always someone who would bottle up whatever bothered him and wouldn't tell me that something I did bugged him and then he'd come to me after letting it sit and fester and he would say something along the lines of...
"What can you offer me that someone else can't?"
Honestly, how the hell do you respond to that sort of question? I've never told anyone he's said that to me because honestly I was too ashamed and was afraid people would call me out on dating a jerk--though people did that without me telling them anything.
He claims that he spoke to me about how he disliked the dirty clothes on the floor and the dishes in the sink. Mainly his telling me something bothered him consisted of short statements such as, "There are dishes in the sink," or "Your dirty clothes are on the floor," but when I talked to Bill just to vent he said what I was feeling but never put into words which was, "Yeah, there are/it is. So?"
Anybody who has taken a communication class needs to realize that people can't read minds and statements like that do not convey a message or a request. They are simply just that: a statement. But to nick, that could have been his way of "talking about the issue" just as well as Bill's girlfriend claiming to be a virgin when she's not. Medically, she's not a virgin. But in her mind she very well could be. For example if the person she had sex with previously was not someone she loved, or did not mean some criteria (though as stupid as it could be), to her it may mean she didn't lose her virginity. It's all how the individual defines it. nick was a fan of favoring the majority in terms of this from time to time--especially if logic didn't flow. Even his friends feel he dropped the ball with communication--but at the same time, I didn't attempt to pick it up. But on that same note in some aspects I did not know it was THAT big of an issue.
The annoyed thing I'm going to skip because he didn't give any examples, but perhaps this is one of them (e.g. what I'm doing right now). I know he had an issue with me reading about edrama and I know he had an issue with me talking about Samantha. I remember the day of our court case I said something in a joking way and he took it out of proportion and told me that I needed to stop being so obsessed with her. I think he needs to stop being so obsessed with his forums and shit. He spends so much time writing out what look to be report paper-long threads. Then again maybe that's no different from what I am doing now. :P
The fighting... that threw me for a loop. I honestly can't remember a lot of fights between us within the last months of being together. I remember calling him from work and asking him if he would bring my movies I rented from Hollywood because I forgot them. He had a little hissyfit about not wanting to do it (hissyfit meaning he kept trying to get out of it) and I eventually got annoyed and said, "Nevermind. Just keep playing WoW."
First of all, he didn't really do much to begin with. He didn't work a lot (his job), he spent a lot of time at home (or so he said). I didn't think it was asking too much to take 20 minutes out of a day he practically spent at home on the computer to bring me them. That was our fight and it was the last one I remember. Other than that I remember getting on his case about keeping his computer on all night once because it sucks up juice and mom was complaining about the bill. He got short tempered with me and said, "And I take your mother out for dinner once a month which is what we agreed upon for our payment to stay here." Then again, it could very well vary from person to person. What he thought of as a fight could have meant nothing of the sort to me and vice versa.
For the falling outs, part of it you can go reread how nick bottled whatever was bugging him up and then finally blurted out the words, "I don't think this is gonna work out." Every so many months because he never had the balls to just
say what was bugging him at the time it was bugging him. Kinda like how he should have had the guts to tell Bill upfront that he didn't want to go to Boundary Waters instead of lying to his face because Lara was there. It wasn't like he had to say, "I don't want to go
because Lara is going." He could have said, "I'll just be too busy with work/I can't make it." Or what have you. I guess his friends were a little irked by it.
Another thing with the falling outs was April was a very trying month for me. Mom had another cervical cancer scare, so another 1000 dollar procedure. It wasn't until the end of the month so of course I was worried. nick's take on worry is that you don't have anything to worry about because you don't know the result. But the whole idea of worry is because you don't know the result.
To feel uneasy or concerned about something; be troubled. So if he was so selfish to expect me to be all smiles when I was scared to death of being orphaned, he has another thing coming. Claiming April was a falling out when he KNEW what was going on. That's a jackass move.
Cooking... Hmm. I never exactly asked him to cook for me every night. There were times when I was inbetween jobs where I asked him if he would make something really simple and quick that I could come home and eat and then leave for my second job. He did that and I am still thankful for that. It helped make my day a little less stressful for sure. I wish I had picked up the baton and cleaned up after he did such sweet things, but at the same time there were times I was in such a hurry I came home, ate, sat down at my computer in an attempt to unwind before going to my next job and then I was out the door and by the time I came back, most of the time the stuff was cleaned up. Sometimes I came home and stupidly forgot (much like how nick stupidly forgot things we had planned--but hey, I forgave him, didn't I?)
But unwinding... you know... like Bill likes to do when he gets home but the second he walks in the door he's expected by Lara to do shit without giving him time to unwind from a long day at work. Any similarities here? Hmm...
( Read more... )
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